Parents: Talk to Kids About Online "Friends"

For parents who have decided the way to keep up with their social-networking kids is to join them, check out this humorous take by a dad who set up a Facebook page so he could check in on his daughter away at college, and his 16-year-old son down the hall at home.

John Schwartz writes in Sunday's New York Times that he sat down to do some work one Monday night and was deluged by "friend" requests from dozens of his son's network friends. In a little mischievous revenge for his father's online presence, his son formed a "Friend My Father" group, and he invited more than 100 teens to join it.

What I love about this story, revenge or no revenge, is that father and son are clearly engaged in a dialogue about the teen's Facebook activities. Kids may not want to hear all our warnings about limiting online communication to true friends and peer acquaintances, but I believe strong everyday connections with real friends, siblings and, yes, mom and dad, are what help kids make smart decisions about who they let into their lives on the Internet.

Though scary incidents remain the exception, they do happen, and talking with your kids about the wider online social world should be high on every parent's list. This weekend, my brother, who lives in Georgia, told me about a local story there: A 15-year-old boy told his mom about sexual advances made by a 47-year-old emergency room doctor via MySpace. The family worked with law enforcement to set up an undercover investigation, leading to the doctor's arrest in the boy's driveway. Inside his SUV was clear evidence he was ready for a sexual encounter with a boy he knew was 15.

I came across this "Buddy Builder" quiz on the Federal Trade Commission's OnGuard Online web site. It tests kids' judgment on whose messages to respond to and which ones to deny. A run-through of the quiz reveals some not-very-challenging message examples that I would hope every teen would snicker at by now. ("Want 2 B your buddy and send U a b-day card—what's your b-day and address?" and "It's me, your Uncle John. Thanks for the link—Aunt Mary and I love your page...can you add us to your buddy list?" are two examples.)

It's not a bad refresher, and it's a decent tool for parents to use with teens who are just setting up a social-network page. But don't stop there. Whether you have your own social-network page or not, talk to your kids about how they would handle inappropriate requests to be a "friend," so they will tell you if and when it happens.