Parents: How Protective is Too Protective?

As a parent, I found the cautionary tale of the protective mom to be one of the most interesting on Frontline's look at teens and social networks.

Like many of us, Evan Skinner wanted to make sure her teens were not getting in too deep on the net. She kept the family PC in the kitchen, where she could keep an eye on her kids when their eyes were online. But her efforts did more to alienate her teens at a time when parent/teen alienatation is ripe for the taking. Her son, now in college, is still annoyed at her meddling. Her daughter told interviewers she stopped going online at home, choosing to do so at her friends' houses instead.

She clearly had good intentions, but as far as her kids were concerned, she stepped over the line between parental oversight and invasion of privacy. It's a line we all have to find with each of our kids, who will approach online interactions differently.

With that in mind, here are a few tips to straddle that line well  during our kids tweenhood to adulthood.

•  Keep the PC in a central area. I do think this works well when the kids are younger and learning to use the computer for homework and for socializing. When your pre-teens are on Club Penguin or Webkinz, talk to them about how they are communicating with other members in these restrictive settings, and what the rules are for being nice to each other. Same goes when they start IMing friends. Know who is on their lists and talk to them about what they talk about and what to do if the conversations turn nasty.

• To friend or not to friend? I had a good chat with a colleague with two teenage daughters recently. He is on Facebook and got his daughter's approval to be on her friends list. This works well with some parents and teens and not at all with others. You've got to figure this one out on your own. I wouldn't do it because it would feel as if I were following my daughter around, instead of giving her the room she needs to communicate with friends online. I am on Facebook, but I would never "friend" her, though I do occasionally check in to see who is on her friends list.

•  Loosen the leash as they get older. One PC in one central place works when kids are younger and they don't require a PC for most of their school work. Placing strict limits on PC time and place on a 17-year-old makes little sense when they may be using computers completely out of view at college in less than a year. Kids need to learn how to be good online citizens at home from the moment they start pecking on computer keyboards—just as we hopefully help them become good people in their day-to-day real-world interactions.

• Talk, and talk some more. They may think you're clueless when it comes to how they communicate with friends, but don't stop talking to your kids about how they put themselves out there. Their choice of photos and words they use online can be around so much longer they can imagine at 14, and we can never offer enough guidance on how they portray themselves online. 

• There is no one set of guidelines to follow. Each kid is different. Remember, this is lifelong learning that begins at home for kids and parents. The key is not turning your back on their online activities but not trying to micromanage either. Not easy, I know. But I think the most important thing is for us to always let our kids know we are there to help them make good choices.

The best thing we can do is help each other in this newly charted parenting territory. What can parents do to help our kids stay smart and safe online without compromising their privacy? Share below.