Advice on the Web: Talking to Kids About 9/11

Today is a strikingly beautiful blue-sky day in the New York City metropolitan area, just as it was five years ago.  I live in a commuter town where too many moms and dads, brothers and sisters, and sons and daughters didn't return home from work on Sept. 11, 2001. Today, it is hard to think of anything or anyone else.

Yesterday, my family spent some time at a nearby 9/11 memorial, where a piece of the North Tower of the World Trade Center rises hopefully over the names of the victims of the nation's deadliest terrorist attack. The Tower of Remembrance supports four bells that peal in honor of the lives lost in the two World Trade Center towers, the Pentagon, and the field in Pennsylvania. My kids were very young five years ago, and like a lot of children who were not directly affected by the terrorist attacks, they remember the day but their memories are faint. So it is important to talk about it.

With the five-year anniversary of 9/11 throughout the news and recreated in television mini-series, kids of all ages may be seeing images and hearing stories from the tragic day. For parents looking for guidance again—or for the first time—on talking to their children about 9/11, I've found some good web sites to go for advice, helpful tips, comfort, and inspiration.

• The NYU Child Study Center offers guidelines for parents and family members for talking to children who lost loved ones on 9/11, but the advice is helpful for adults talking to all children about what happened five years ago.

A good starting point, the NYU guidelines begin, is to ask children what they have heard or seen about the five-year anniversary or movies. You can follow up by asking children what they think and feel.

• Here are some good tips from pbskids.org for talking to preschoolers. High on the list is preventing kids from seeing violent images on TV news, but if they do, answer their questions honestly but briefly. Use simple words.

• The Kaiser Family Foundation and Children Now provide sample conversations with kids of all ages about 9/11 on this Talking With Kids About Tough Issues web site.

For some inspiration from kids who know the loss the 9/11 all too well, listen to these original songs written by the son and niece of Tom Gorman, who died on 9/11. A good friend of mine and Tom's sister, Theresa Creedon, worked with them and other teens on a Hope 2 Cope outreach program for teens who lost loved ones on 9/11. These songs, featured on CBS and NBC evening news shows, are the uplifting result.

As Theresa says: What a unique tribute to Tom and all who died, survived, and have been resilient since 9/11.