Flaming: Hiding Behind The Computer Screen

I finally did it. I ignored email etiquette rules, and sent someone a scathing email that part of me regrets sending. I had every right to vent my frustration in said email, but like my mother always said, two wrongs don't make a right. I've written flaming letters before, but I'm usually sensitive enough to save them as drafts to give myself enough time to calm down. Sometimes just writing how I feel helps me deal with my emotions. Coincidentally, I came across this article that talks about the absence of social restraints in cyberspace.

According to the article, sending an "offensive, embarrassing or downright rude" message is better known as flaming, and is a problem that continues to plague virtual communications. This "online disinhibition effect" happens when people show less restraint in cyberspace, than if they were face to face. John Suler, a psychologist at Rider University, says there are some factors that lead to online disinhibition:

• Anonymity of a web
• Invisibility to others
• Time lag between sending an email and getting feedback
• Exaggerated sense of self from being alone
• Lack of online authority figure

Comments on blog have gotten so out of control, Tim O'Reilly even called for a "Blogger's Code of Conduct" after a technology blogger received death threats from an anonymous commenter on her blog. One of his suggestions is taking responsibility for your own words and the comments you allow on your blog. While I wholeheartedly agree that bloggers and commenters shouldn't ever be censored, I do believe in setting up guidelines that protect both the blogger and its audience. Forums and other websites have always been moderated in order to keep a level of civility within the community. And this was happening way before blogs ever came into existence.

Speaking from experience, I recommend you stay away from sending or writing anything you might regret later. We're living in a time when people will save, forward, or publish your email on their blogs just to draw a crowd and hurt you publicly. The next time you feel like sending a flaming email or you receive one, do the following instead:

• Step away from the computer. This would be a good time to go for a walk or talk to a friend that can help you gain a better perspective of the situation. Don't call someone who will sympathize either, especially if you've got a flame-thrower in hand. I love talking to friends that don't always agree with me because it forces me see things from a different point of view.
  
• If you receive a nasty message-don't respond immediately. Netmanners says sometimes "people are trying to get a rise out of you or trying to make themselves feel self-important." This is so true. I like the way Tim O'Reilly puts it: "Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty, but the pig likes it." Netmanners' advice is "if you do not have something nice or constructive to say, or at the very least sternly professional - just hit delete."
  
• There's a fine line between getting a nasty email or comment, and being cyberbullied. "If you feel you're being harassed or threatened, report the activity to the local authorities," says the United States Computer Emergency Readiness Team. Make sure to keep a record of any harassing emails, write down the sender's IP address, and print screenshots of any offensive material directed at you. This will help you if you ever seek legal action.

Anyone want to offer any other advice or experience they've had online? Let me know in the comments below.