Oscar Recap: Worst Looking Stars in HD

This is not my favorite part of the list, but someone's gotta do it. You can see who made the Best Looking Star in HDTV list here, but just like some people look great in HD, others are simply hard to look at. I'll skip all the formalities and present you the nominees for Worst Looking Star in HD. They are...

Tilda Swinton: I've never been a fan of Tilda Swinton, but last night I couldn't help but feel a little sorry for her. She may have won an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress, but that's the only kind award she's getting for the night. I have no doubt in my mind Tilda will be earning an award for Worst Dressed, Worst Speech, and Worst Hair and Makeup. Unfortunately, she's also getting my vote for Worst Looking Celeb in HD. While I do admire her daring decision to ditch the hair and makeup crew, I think Ms. Swinton should've picked a different night to rock the "just out of the spa" look. Tilda looked scary in HD.

Cameron Diaz: I'm a fan of Cameron Diaz. I really am, but I was disappointed with Cameron's hair, gown, and even makeup choices at the Oscars. I was going to leave her off the list, but there was a moment during Nicole Kidman's speech where they cut to a close-up of Cameron's face, and it was brutal. You could see every pore, pockmark, and wrinkle on her face in a way you wished you never had. I still love Cameron, but I don't think the HD cameras ever will.

Tommy Lee Jones: Mr. Tommy Lee Jones is a wonderful actor, and I'll watch any one of his movies more than once, but he is hard to look at in HD. His wrinkles are deep, his complexion is rough looking, and his face and neck are so full of pockmarks it's hard to tell where one ends and another one begins. If there was ever a real award given to the Worst Looking Actor in HD, TLJ deserves it hands down. I'm sorry Mr. Jones, but HDTV makes your face look like the Valley of Elah itself.

Owen Wilson: Owen Wilson is great, but the entire time he was presenting the award for Best Live Action Short Film, I couldn't stop staring at his broken nose. As a matter of fact, the nose was so distracting, I couldn't focus on anything he said or the fact that he really needed a shave and a stylist. I had to rewind the show a few times just to hear what he said. That's the thing about HD. It really emphasizes one's flaws to the point of distraction, especially when the camera is right on your face. Going back to the nose, is his nose broken in three different sections?

The Bearded Men: Facial hair can be unflattering, but ungroomed facial hair in HD is unforgivable. I think half-grown beards were a horrible trend this year, as were red dresses among the ladies. Colin Farrell, Javier Bardem, Viggo Mortensen, James McAvoy, Johnny Depp, Seth Rogen, and Jonah Hill were all rocking an unshaven pubescent look that didn't agree with them (except for Viggo who managed to really grow his). Johnny Depp's mustache should've been trimmed just a little bit more, and Johah Hill's beard made him appear dirty and unkept. Guys, take a cue from the veteran actors and shave the next time you attend a formal event. A clean shaven man always looks great in HD. Just ask George Clooney, The Rock, Daniel Day-Lewis, and Jack Nicholson.

Puff Daddies: Tom Hanks was looking a little bloated and had huge bags under his eyes, and Harrison Ford? Well let's just say his face had too many flaws to mention and likely to take up the rest of this post. Speaking of bloated, did anyone think Denzel looked a little heavy last night?

Bony Parts: Thanks to the wonderful clarity of high-definition, I was extremely grossed out by Renee Zellweger and Amy Adams' not-so-enchanting bony elbows. These two ladies actually looked really healthy in HD, but their elbows... not so much.

And the winner is....

Tommy Lee Jones. Need I say more?

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Oscar Recap: Best Looking Stars in HD