Home Alone 4: Keeping Tabs on Kids After School
Thu Jul 27, 2006 1:20PM EDT
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Junior's back in school, and you're... back at work. What's he doing in the hours when no one's there to watch him? Well, if he's like any other kid, he's online, trying to figure out how to make a pipe bomb just for kicks.
What do you do about such a situation? My kids are three years old and four months old, so I haven't gotten around to worrying about unsupervised computer use yet, but eventually I will. Here's what the experts think about it.
- Virtually everyone suggests a content filter like Net Nanny or CyberPatrol, particularly for younger children. It's important that you don't try to "sneak" this by them (they're too smart for that), but rather tell them you're filtering out objectionable content ahead of time.
- Beyond filters, there is monitoring software that can tell you exactly what the kids are up to online. You can try something like eBlaster, which sends you copies of every email they write and every chat session they have. It may sound very Orwellian, but it's also potentially not a bad idea.
- Finally, you can simply disable access to the computer when you aren't around. Simple password protection is one way. Software that locks out access to the Internet during certain time periods is another (most routers have this functionality built in).
As a free-will kinda guy, I'm not sure how I feel about such measures, but I just haven't gotten to that point in my life as a parent yet. I guess it depends on how the kids turn out, no?
So while I wait eight or ten years or so to find that out, maybe you readers can offer some advice. What monitoring/filtering system do you use at home, if any? And how well does it work?
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7 Posted by billwojcik on Thu Sep 3, 2009 3:08PM EDT Report Abuse
Filtering and monitoring is a MUST! Tell your children what you are doing and why. There's so much vile and disturbing content out there that no amount of "open" parenting can thwart. Don't be fooled into thinking that content like that doesn't have a lasting negative affect in your child's personality, behavior, and character. You've been warned.
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8 Posted by colleyreed on Sat Aug 19, 2006 3:55PM EDT Report Abuse
You can't trust anything to chance. Spying on your kids is not a "nice" thing to think about but with technology today its way to easy for them to do the stuff that gets them into trouble. SO many things create addictive behavior and porn is the top of the list. You don't show signs of addiction with it like you do to drugs or alcohol. You won't know what is going on in their heads until its way too late. You can't stop your children from handwriting letters, having verbal conversations. You must however take the shot at at least trying to support your rules and sometimes it takes a little unorthodox thinking to get ahead of it. Communication and education are the keys. First of all, move the computer into the living room instead of their bedroom. That way you can monitor what goes on while you are home. Secondly, install virus protection, parental control filtering and spam/pop-up blockers. Set the ground rules as to what is acceptable. If you install filters and the kids figure out how to get around them then that should indicate that you have an issue with your child. There has to be consequences for that. There is way too much stuff that is not for kids eyes on the net. If they are actively seeking it then you need to be parenting, not preventing access. Secondly, trust is paramount but if you find that your kids just have to do what kids do best...ignore their parents, then you need to set the standard to take away the problem. If neccesary, use startup passwords for your computer, use router passwords and lock out the internet. You can't stop them from going to a friends house to look up a little kiddie pyro or Debbie does Dallas but if you have set the rules in your home they can't say you didn't say so. There is no replacement for proper parenting. Communicate...educate...educate...educate...oh...and educate. Good luck!!!!
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9 Posted by pastornewman@sbcglobal.net on Thu Sep 3, 2009 8:01PM EDT Report Abuse
We have 6 kids ranging from 17 to 1 years old. We do not permit internet access in bedrooms. We also limit the amount of time online. Our kids also know that anything they do online is open to us. We ocassionaly do cookie and history searches to make sure no pornographic sites have been visited. This in particular is a real trap for teen boys. My wife and I follow the same rules. We share passwords and account names. And, we hide nothing from each other. Whereas spying only catches a kid after the wrongdoing, accountability prevents it from happening in the first place. So, I talk very openly to my boys about their internet habits, and my wife does the same with the girls. Communication, accountability, and education are all musts. But, the very best detriment to wrong behavior is EXAMPLE. That's the best kind of leadership and it is by far the most effective form of parenting. So, dads, if you don't want your son visiting porn sites, then you shouldn't either. What we do in moderation, they will do in excess!!!
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10 Posted by czybkr on Thu Sep 3, 2009 3:33PM EDT Report Abuse
Spying on your kids is not the right answer. Have open discussions about it, but dont block out content or try to always have an eye on them. Blocking content will just encourage them to find ways around it, and they will get better at it than you could ever dream of. Dont force kids to outsmart you on something that could be potentially harmful..talk with them about it first
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11 Posted by sangoma_g on Thu Sep 3, 2009 9:03PM EDT Report Abuse
I am shocked to see those parents that are really going out of there way to monitor their children's internet activity. To use such lengths as read there internet chat is WRONG, trying to restrict a child is not an option. Your children are capable of getting passed most of the software on the market. Also not allowing children to have computers in there rooms for monitoring purposes is ridiculas. If you really want to go to such lengths u can view there monitor screens over a network so at least let them have the choice to have computers in there rooms. I know the internet has really turned into something else since i use to chat, it has turned a little ridiculas if you ask me. However, if your children want to use chat there are sites that are properly monitoured by an adminstrator. The best thing to do, is install virus protection, adaware protection and depending on your childs age 15 and under install a netnanny or something. Your children are exposed to so much violence and sex through tv and the movies that its pointless to try and protect them. A proper up bringing and open communication is the key. ( now most of you are thinking open communication doesnt work) Well its truely better than trying to restrict them. "If you try to hold on to a hand full of sand you will lose 90% of the grains but if u hold your hand open you will not lose a single grain" If you try to outsmart your child you will lose the battle i can garrentee it. The problem today is the children spending so much time on there computers away in the study or in there rooms. The best method to fix this is, is in my opinion not to limit there computer time to like an hour a day or something but to rather purchase a laptop than a pc, there are really cheap laptops out there and second hand ones. If lets say you have two children and they both have desktops if you had to replace there desktop with a laptop the whole family can sit together in the lounge or wherever surfing the net or doing work. The family is still together and are able to talk to each other rather than everyone shut in there own room. With reference to the laptops, i know to some it might seem ridiculas but to others who know what i am talking about it can change the dynamics of the family quite a bit when you can all be in the same room with a computer. My family and I do it, we all sit in the lounge and if one of us wants to surf the internet or do work he brings his laptop along and can sit with the rest of the family that is watching T.V., talk to them and surf at the same time. This last comment is only for those families that are very technology orientated and who spend a lot of time on the computer, so please everyone who is shocked by my comment its meant for those who understand the problems i mentioned. Thanks you
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12 Posted by ybuchanan@sbcglobal.net on Thu Sep 3, 2009 10:55PM EDT Report Abuse
Look, every kid is different and requires different handling care and instructions. For someone to be sooo judgemental as to critisize anothers parenting that they are being too paranoid or restrictive, etc. is really out of line. For one thing certain kids don't have common sense yet or street smarts, and I'm talking into the teenage years. They just haven't matured yet. Check out information re the development of the frontal cortex of a teenagers brain! For another, there are a lot of crazy, sick people out there just ready to pounce on our kids. I dare say that as parents today we leave too much up to our kids to figure out themselves. On the issue of spying... some instances call for it. Again, it all depends on the kid. I applaud all the parents out there just trying to do their darndest to raise healthy, competent youngsters in this world today. God knows its tough out there!!!
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13 Posted by hmz_salman on Thu Sep 3, 2009 4:19PM EDT Report Abuse
watching their conversations is just lame. When your daighter is 14, she doesnt want her parents to know everything bout her life. Especially me. I get little privacy as it is, since my parents need to know about my firends and thignsl ike that
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14 Posted by tweenlife on Thu Sep 3, 2009 10:25PM EDT Report Abuse
KIDS HAVE RIGHT 2 YOU NO Y DONT PARENTS JUST LMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (LMA=LEAVE ME ALONE)
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15 Posted by luigimario117 on Thu Sep 3, 2009 7:00PM EDT Report Abuse
i think this is bery good and not too strict
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16 Posted by fay9512 on Thu Sep 3, 2009 3:59PM EDT Report Abuse
u hate the idea of parents supervisng their kids... i mean when they are outside, i understand, but i mean... IM? THATS REALLY PARANOID! I meaN if they think their kids are doin something bad.. they should tell them face-to-face. reading ther conversations is soooooo "new parent not knowing how yo handle their child"
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17 Posted by kalina_bulkan on Thu Sep 3, 2009 4:46PM EDT Report Abuse
These are horrible ideas!! Noone should be spying on their kids like this. Instead of trying to spy on them, teach them proper guidelines and what is unacceptable. If you spy, or use programs that spy on them, it only creates feelings of mistrust and resentment. It tells them you don't believe in them, and to them, can come across as if you don't love them. Think about it, if someone loves u, they TRUST you. Instead of being paranoid, simply restrict them to certain hours and explain what they are NOT to do on the computer. And if you are worried when you're at work, what they'll be doing, it seems to be u GOTTA spend more time with them.
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18 Posted by flyhorses9 on Thu Sep 3, 2009 4:01PM EDT Report Abuse
I have a computer in my bedroom, and have since the age of about 10. The bigges tthing for my parents is they know they can trust me. Spying and limiting the hours of computer will only make your children resent you even more. Eventually your kids are going to be a tthe age where they are going to have to handle these things themselves, and doing it for them while they are young is perfectly understandable but once they hit high school you really need to just know you can trust them, if you can't trust them then there is something else wrong besides the use of internet.
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6 Posted by mjj390i on Thu Sep 3, 2009 7:22PM EDT Report Abuse
I agree my kids are 5 and 7 and have been at the computer with me since age 1. Mostly cd kid programs, then kids websites. I don't have a blocker at this time I just put a shortcut to different kid sites and email sign-on pages on their desktop so they can find what they want easily and trust that they will let me know if there are issues. (The computer is in the living room)We discussed the bad things that can happen and things that shouldn't be viewed. Maybe in the future if they give me reason to doubt or mistrust I'll spy but not unless I'm given reason too.