Home Alone 4: Keeping Tabs on Kids After School

Thu Jul 27, 2006 1:20PM EDT

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Junior's back in school, and you're... back at work. What's he doing in the hours when no one's there to watch him? Well, if he's like any other kid, he's online, trying to figure out how to make a pipe bomb just for kicks.

What do you do about such a situation? My kids are three years old and four months old, so I haven't gotten around to worrying about unsupervised computer use yet, but eventually I will. Here's what the experts think about it.

  • Virtually everyone suggests a content filter like Net Nanny or CyberPatrol, particularly for younger children. It's important that you don't try to "sneak" this by them (they're too smart for that), but rather tell them you're filtering out objectionable content ahead of time.
  • Beyond filters, there is monitoring software that can tell you exactly what the kids are up to online. You can try something like eBlaster, which sends you copies of every email they write and every chat session they have. It may sound very Orwellian, but it's also potentially not a bad idea.
  • Finally, you can simply disable access to the computer when you aren't around. Simple password protection is one way. Software that locks out access to the Internet during certain time periods is another (most routers have this functionality built in).

As a free-will kinda guy, I'm not sure how I feel about such measures, but I just haven't gotten to that point in my life as a parent yet. I guess it depends on how the kids turn out, no?

So while I wait eight or ten years or so to find that out, maybe you readers can offer some advice. What monitoring/filtering system do you use at home, if any? And how well does it work?

Comments on Home Alone 4: Keeping Tabs on Kids After School

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  • 1 Posted by zapped_07 on Thu Sep 3, 2009 10:59PM EDT Report Abuse

    i dont have any...but in the future i would love to.cozz i wudnt want my kids' minds to be polluted

  • 3 Posted by tiberien on Thu Sep 3, 2009 10:08PM EDT Report Abuse

    I suggest open discussion and personal responsibility for the kids. Teach them what is appropriate and what is not, as should be done with any social behavior. Mine are 8 and 4 and are very competent with their own computer (they take after dad, an IT Pro). I don't have any problems with them sneaking around the net and if they hit something they think is wierd, they ask for guidance. The censorship programs don't work reliably, sometimes blocking sites that would be ok and being easy as pie for kids to get around. I've tried a few and can't suggest any as being worth getting. Spying on your kids will only harbor mistrust and teach them that spying and snooping is an accepted morale practice, when it is not (in the U.S. anyway). Do make sure you have anti-virus, firewall, spyware blockers and control over what cookies land on your computer... but you have that anyway... right? If you're on the net, you definitely should. In addition to the well known general benefits it will help the kids not "break" anything if they click on a benign looking ad that leads into a "mousetrap" or other seedy maze of online back alleys.

  • 5 Posted by varinoscaliber on Thu Sep 3, 2009 10:32PM EDT Report Abuse

    i don't think parents should limit internet access its not exactly the smartest thing to do i was able to find my way through firewalls early on around 11 and now im able to read different computer codes i have found that the best way to see where your child has gotten to is to check cookies from sites that are visted by your child it has one for every site and even if your child deletes them you can still find them on your computer. P.S. i also find some parents a little to strict with their children they aren't going to be able to be controled there whole lives and watching their conversations is a little paranoid if you ask me

  • 6 Posted by mjj390i on Thu Sep 3, 2009 7:22PM EDT Report Abuse

    I agree my kids are 5 and 7 and have been at the computer with me since age 1. Mostly cd kid programs, then kids websites. I don't have a blocker at this time I just put a shortcut to different kid sites and email sign-on pages on their desktop so they can find what they want easily and trust that they will let me know if there are issues. (The computer is in the living room)We discussed the bad things that can happen and things that shouldn't be viewed. Maybe in the future if they give me reason to doubt or mistrust I'll spy but not unless I'm given reason too.

  • 7 Posted by billwojcik on Thu Sep 3, 2009 3:08PM EDT Report Abuse

    Filtering and monitoring is a MUST! Tell your children what you are doing and why. There's so much vile and disturbing content out there that no amount of "open" parenting can thwart. Don't be fooled into thinking that content like that doesn't have a lasting negative affect in your child's personality, behavior, and character. You've been warned.

  • 8 Posted by colleyreed on Sat Aug 19, 2006 3:55PM EDT Report Abuse

    You can't trust anything to chance. Spying on your kids is not a "nice" thing to think about but with technology today its way to easy for them to do the stuff that gets them into trouble. SO many things create addictive behavior and porn is the top of the list. You don't show signs of addiction with it like you do to drugs or alcohol. You won't know what is going on in their heads until its way too late. You can't stop your children from handwriting letters, having verbal conversations. You must however take the shot at at least trying to support your rules and sometimes it takes a little unorthodox thinking to get ahead of it. Communication and education are the keys. First of all, move the computer into the living room instead of their bedroom. That way you can monitor what goes on while you are home. Secondly, install virus protection, parental control filtering and spam/pop-up blockers. Set the ground rules as to what is acceptable. If you install filters and the kids figure out how to get around them then that should indicate that you have an issue with your child. There has to be consequences for that. There is way too much stuff that is not for kids eyes on the net. If they are actively seeking it then you need to be parenting, not preventing access. Secondly, trust is paramount but if you find that your kids just have to do what kids do best...ignore their parents, then you need to set the standard to take away the problem. If neccesary, use startup passwords for your computer, use router passwords and lock out the internet. You can't stop them from going to a friends house to look up a little kiddie pyro or Debbie does Dallas but if you have set the rules in your home they can't say you didn't say so. There is no replacement for proper parenting. Communicate...educate...educate...educate...oh...and educate. Good luck!!!!

  • 9 Posted by pastornewman@sbcglobal.net on Thu Sep 3, 2009 8:01PM EDT Report Abuse

    We have 6 kids ranging from 17 to 1 years old. We do not permit internet access in bedrooms. We also limit the amount of time online. Our kids also know that anything they do online is open to us. We ocassionaly do cookie and history searches to make sure no pornographic sites have been visited. This in particular is a real trap for teen boys. My wife and I follow the same rules. We share passwords and account names. And, we hide nothing from each other. Whereas spying only catches a kid after the wrongdoing, accountability prevents it from happening in the first place. So, I talk very openly to my boys about their internet habits, and my wife does the same with the girls. Communication, accountability, and education are all musts. But, the very best detriment to wrong behavior is EXAMPLE. That's the best kind of leadership and it is by far the most effective form of parenting. So, dads, if you don't want your son visiting porn sites, then you shouldn't either. What we do in moderation, they will do in excess!!!

  • 10 Posted by czybkr on Thu Sep 3, 2009 3:33PM EDT Report Abuse

    Spying on your kids is not the right answer. Have open discussions about it, but dont block out content or try to always have an eye on them. Blocking content will just encourage them to find ways around it, and they will get better at it than you could ever dream of. Dont force kids to outsmart you on something that could be potentially harmful..talk with them about it first

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