Last week I got the usual privacy policy notice in the mail for one of my credit cards, in this case an American Express card that sits largely unused in my wallet. (My last statement was for $1.39.) Like everyone, I hate telemarketers, so I try to be diligent about opting out of marketing offers and information sharing whenever it's offered to me.

Nothing special so far, so I skim through the four-page document outlining how AmEx is basically collecting every possibly bit of information about me (name, address, social security number, income, and asset information) and is happy to share it with "our Affiliates and other companies we work with," which the document goes on to state can be pretty much anyone. AmEx goes on to tell me I have opt out choices. Great, I'll take them!

Now it gets a little tricky. At the bottom of page three is a coupon with four check boxes on it. Check each one and I can opt out of a multitude of different marketing opportunities. Naturally, I'd prefer to simply call in my opt-out preferences to the 800 number printed on the the slip. Otherwise I'll have to dig up an envelope (no reply envelope was included), write the multi-line address on it, stamp it, mail it, and hope for the best. Calling the 800 number is relatively free and painless, while dealing with postal mail is by definition a pain in the rear. And for some reason, I just don't trust this method to actually work.

I call (800-297-8378 if you want to try it for yourself). I get a recording welcoming me American Express and notifying me that the call could be recorded... then abruptly says: "The computer system needed to answer your questions is not available." And it hangs up.

Now I understand computers go down, but that was five days ago, and I'm still getting the recording. Will it ever come back online or is it all a scam? The paranoid side of me believes that there is no computer connected to this 800 number, and that it's designed to trick me into forgetting about the entire matter and being too lazy to fill out the paperwork so I'll remain opted in.

Savvy web guy that I am, I hit up AmEx's website to see if I could opt-out there: You can't. If you log in to your account, you can opt out of email marketing only, not telephone or postal mail marketing. You can also opt out of email marketing by calling the same 800 number listed above.

So I'm filling out the form. Yay. If this is all a scam (and I hope it isn't), shame on AmEx. If, instead, it's the longest, most difficult computer error in the history of mankind, well, it's time to put out a press release.