Attention, Worker. Systems indicate you are feeling tired and run-down. It might be time for a pep pill to perk you back up. Your productivity level is falling below expected tolerance levels. This is a first warning. Systems indicate your heartrate is too slow to produce results at expended quality levels. Please jog in your cubicle for 90 seconds to raise heartrate. Failure to comply will result in an alert being sent to your supervisor and possible sanctions. Please stop frowning immediately and smile. You have been warned.

That scenario could become a surprising reality if Microsoft has its way: The company has filed a patent that would link workers to their computers via a variety of sensors, measuring pulse rate, body temperature, movement, facial expressions, and blood pressure. The idea: Your computer would monitor your metabolism in order to detect when a user is frustrated or stressed, telling management when you might need help.

Now I like to think there's a good idea somewhere at the bottom of this: Perhaps if the group is using a new software program and some users were having trouble with it, such a system could help get everyone up to speed more quickly. But there are so many problems with physiological monitoring in the workplace that I scarcely know where to start ranting.

All manner of privacy laws, not to mention common sense, may be violated by such a system. Imagine drug testing, but on a daily, even continuous basis. Had a fight with the wife? Stressed from moving to a new apartment? Who hasn't had a bad day at the office once in a while? And who wants all of that being recorded by Big Brother?

Outrage over the system (which, remember, is still just a patent and nowhere near being commercialized) is likely to keep it out of the workplace, at least in the States. On the other hand, offshore call centers and assembly lines, far away from the prying eyes of the mainstream press, may not be so lucky. This is one technology to keep our collective eyes on.

LINK: Microsoft seeks patent for office 'spy' software